Is it wrong to flirt with a girl who has a boyfriend?

More info…”I don’t think it’s wrong but a friend does. There’s a girl I think is cute. I flirt with her a lot and she has a boyfriend. He thinks I’m wrong for doing so but I don’t see the problem.”

Basil Simon, 27 yrs of successful marraige and a deep understanding of human instincts

 Answer…

It really depends on the situation. As long as we are motivated by good in this life then all is well.

Typically you would only be flirting with a member of the opposite sex in order to clearly advertise yourself as being available. So first thing first…. By doing this you you do realise you are actually saying to this guy “I want to have a relationship with your girl” This is certainly disrespectful to him and barefaced gaulish behaviour. In fact it is actually intimidating behaviour because you are also saying to him “I have no fear of you” and “I can do whatever you want”. It borders on bullying.

So let’s consider what your end game is here. If you are just deliberately trying to upset this guy by showing an interest in his girl without any real interest of being her boyfriend, just for the hell of it, then this is man on man stuff. You are challenging another males ego, pride and honour. This is a very dangerous game to play, never underestimate anyone. Especially in matters of love.

But if you do want to get a girl, and you believe she is the one…..

The first thing we need to confirm here is…. Would you be…

  1. Stealing this girl away from an apparently well functioning relationship just because you can.
  2. Rescuing the girl from an obviously very dysfunctional situation. Being a hero!

if you are doing it for reason 1, then this is never a great idea. You would simply be creating a bad experience for eveyone involved. And… lets not forget all the surrounding emotional people who would suddenly have something to say about this too. A proper row would ensue!  Sure she’d be with you and you’d be happy but the other guy would be in a world of pain which would naturally then end up effecting the girl badly. She would also potentially end up nesswith a bad reputation for being the unfaithful type. You would not be doing anybody any big favours. You could even end up fighting with the other guy, he could turn out to be a complete crazy person, stab you and then go to prison for murder. You think I’m being too extreme? Trust me when I tell you , this kind of stupid thing happens every single day!

So yes. That would DEFINITELY be wrong.

Scenario number 2.

‘Ok , so you can see he’s making a complete fool of her, she deserves better, and better is you. So let’s see how the super hero Angle works out for you.

Again, two people will immediately be in a world of pain. Possibly three including you as the situation blows up.

The guy could get seriously annoyed and turns out to be that murderous nutter we spoke of earlier. But maybe not? …. Maybe you are the murderous nutter, and end up in prison after fighting this guy. Maybe he will just go away and feel the full force of rejection. (That sucks) Again the girl gets the bad reputation but…. With a little political lobby you get the word out how bad she was treated and ends up being that girl who had a lucky escape. The guy would then have to deal with that fall out and maybe even struggle to get a new girlfriend as a result of public opinion.

One other thing to consider.

Who flirted with who first? Was it you with her? Or was it her with you?

If it is her flirting with you then why would you want to entertain such a proposition. How long is it likely to be before she gets bored of you and starts flirting with some other guy? You can not ignore the possibility of this being a pattern with her.

Whatever way we look at this it is bound to work out giving someone a mental health wobble. Somebody will end up in a level of emotional turmoil. That definitely qualifies as wrong in my world.

But…. Sometimes we have to do hard things for the greater good. So…. if this girl definitely needs rescuing and you can without doubt see she took a wrong turn with a very bad guy then go for it. Be that hero .

Good luck!

Do you need good relationship advice?  click here to tell Baz whats on your mind

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