Firstly; be sure to gain the childs respect so that they regard you as a source of reliable guidance. This way when you administer child discipline it is better recieved.
A lot of parents fail with bad child discipline approach..
Parents often end up making themselves the enemy through bad child discipline and the child rebels, therefore Peer pressure inevitably wins their attention and the parents are regarded as old and out of touch.
If you do wish to prepare your child well for this life then the following may help….
Firstly; Understand that the biggest challenge will be your own self control. Self modification and learning is a major part of successful child rearing and child dicipline. Many children arrive into adult hood with emotional problems and issues because of emotionally charged bad parenting. Always try to have a rule of fairness clear in your mind and be aware when you are reacting emotionally due to your own childhood programming. Try to react in a balanced, patient and sensible manner. Emotional disciplining is usually unfair disciplining therefore Beware!
My success as a father. (partially!) raising a boy.
That boy gained access to a special society in the UK known as N.A.G.T.Y. (national academy for gifted and talented youth)
He was a jet aircraft salesman aged 16. After gaining an impressive degree in economics he ended up being assigned as an automated docs consultant to Morgan Stanley working in New York aged 23. He is now at the very cutting edge of technology development working on artificial intelligence for a large company in Vienna Austria. I think we launched our boy fairly well therefore, yes, I am a proud father!
However….
I know I did make mistakes. My boy did not come with a manual! and … parents are duty bound to get things wrong first try and so I hope the following advice helps to avoid some of the mistakes I made. Particularly; when it comes to attitude and emotional reactions in the home. My child discipline techniques were not optimised at all! I had my own emotional issues at that time (anger) and consequently I was quite impatience, strict and unforgiving. It is only now in my maturer yrs that I have clear sight of what happened there. And, most importantly … the effects on my boy later.
My son needed a clear road map in terms of the possibilities involving child discipline. He sensed my extreme anger and did not know where the boundaries were. Consequently, As a result he lived in fear of me for a long time. It was only when he told me aged 13 that we might well fight one day and one of us could die I realised my mistake. His courage was growing and could easily become my nemisis. I considered this very seriously. More than anything I wanted my sons happiness and contentment at home.
I designed a child discipline system , to set clear and reliable expectation of disciplinary proceedures for lines crossed.
With a good and fair discipline system we both understood where we stood with eachother.
The Basil Simon child Discipline system.
This system identifies levels of offence and the appropriate measures expected to be taken after a breach of the rules. By explaining this system clearly to a child they inevitably will understand the law of the home. They can accept what they know. We can with this system succesfully avoid mystery creating imagined consequences and hence worry. Mystery of consequences can be very damaging to a childs emotional development.
Level 5; Creche control
Level 5 (creche control) is when a child makes a mistake or does something wrong but…..
It was the parents fault. Supervision slipped, sensible planning became absent and the outcome was not the childs fault. When the child drops a large cup of coke on the carpet we might sensibly say;
“oops…. dont worry, that is a level five “creche control problem….Mummy or daddy should have known that big drink might be too heavy for you!”
The creche control rule is very important because it demands that a parent is aware of being fair at all times. Teaching a child fairness is essential in development of a socially succesful personality. Child discipline is not always appropritate.
Level 4; negligence
Level 4 is for those occaisions where the child demonstrates a lack of care.
They have the knowledge, but are failing to make the memory important in daily life due to an undeveloped care system.
We may say;
“Please try to remember to turn off all electrics in your room when you go out with your friends because electricity costs money. If you fail to care about that again then we may have to agree a deal where we reduce your pocket money to cover it ok?”
Level 4 are minor infringements and usually only require a debate or gentle penalisation in the event of repeated negligence. Child discipline should be restricted to this on these occaisions.
Level 3. Disrespect.
Level 3 designates a child as disrespectful despite fully understanding the right and wrong involved.
They disrespected the team or mental well being of others in order to serve themselves firstly and foremostly. This may involve the child being manipulative, having bad attitude, lying or being immoral. Disrespect is a more serious offence and so requires stronger penalisation. Omitting them from family life by confining them to their room for a while may work, (never lock them in) or; removal of privilages for a period of time may ber appropriate.
An example might be;
- They insisted on prioritising their computer game despite being asked three times to attend duties of washing up in the kitchen.
In this case we might say:
“Ok kiddo, you’v been asked 3 times to attend your responsibilities in the kitchen without delay but now action must be taken because you put yourself first before the mental comfort of the team. Penalties are to be issued as this is a level 3 offence. I’m now cutting your internet until the dishes get done. I will put it back on 1 hour after and not before”
Explain gently how it was their actions of disrespect for the team that made that happen. Consequences for infringement is understandable and a good trainer for the system of life they will enter later.
Level 2; Law breaking
Level 2 is appropriateIf the child does something quite serious like ….
vandalism, theft, assaulting someone or worse then they are breaking the law. We use level two to introduce the law of the land to our child. We might let the child experience a worrying time down at the police station (after speaking to a kind helpful officer and telling him what we are doing).
Level 1; We never discuss level one.
Level 1 remains a mystery.
If they ever do something bad enough that it qualifies as a level one then they will understand the consequences at that time so we Allow the childs imagination to draw a line on level one. These are the really serious situations we cannot plan for at all.
By adopting the above plan (or similar-feel free to develop it!) we achieve a reliable idea in the childs mind of the home rules. There is no mystery and they know what they can expect. As the law exists in the real world so too does it exist similarly in the home.
